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sup on Scared for perm abs, nominated by Kurt
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I'm only on day 43 of my abs so I can't give a long-term perspective,
but I have been mulling over my abs versus moderation goals. I like
the idea of moderating and permanent abs also scares me, but I'm
finding the vague concepts of 'like' and 'scared' aren't enough to
make my decision. I'm keeping an open mind based on a few things:
1. No decision is permanent. If you don't like moderating, you can
abstain and vice versa. Even if you commit to a day, week, month or
year, it's only a commitment to not consider it for that time. You
don't need to abstain 'forever', but can find a timeline for
reconsideration that is less stressful than a daily decision as you
find in moderation.
2. I've had to ask myself why I 'like' the idea of moderating. What
does that mean? I'm my head, I have an image of me dancing and
drinking, it's very fun and sounds good. Okay, now a more realistic
image of drunk me... not social, not fun. If I'm going to moderate, it
can't be code for "I want to get drunk" and it can't be code for "I
want to live a tv beer commercial life." It has to mean a commitment
to drinking moderately... maybe a few drinks a month, always with
friends, in a social context. Aside from whether that's possible, is
it even desirable? Knowing the risks, does that sound like any fun?
I'm waiting for my idea of moderate drinking to solidify into
something more realistic before making any commitment longer than a
month.
3. What scares me about abstaining? Really, it's that I lose my coping
mechanism of last resort. The thought of facing down life's crises
with no soft cushion scares me. Something terrible will eventually
happen and I won't be able to drink and I'll just... explode and die?
That's what it feels like. It's not rational, although yes, that will
be a big challenge for me, but facing my problems without alcohol is
part of moderation AND abstinence. Crisis drinking is not BTB. I need
to learn the skills to cope better with life, whatever my choice. I
can focus on building them and hope that they will endure. It will
either work or not, and no prior decision is going to hold in any
event, not without the skills to underpin them. Crises are scary and
will always be scary. Let's face it, if I really can't cope then I'll
break any and every rule I've made because I will always try to
survive - just like I always have. I don't need to wait for my fear of
crises to go away, because it never will, before I start nurturing the
skills I need to survive and thrive in whatever else life decides to
throw at me.
sup on Scared for perm abs, nominated by Kurt
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm only on day 43 of my abs so I can't give a long-term perspective,
but I have been mulling over my abs versus moderation goals. I like
the idea of moderating and permanent abs also scares me, but I'm
finding the vague concepts of 'like' and 'scared' aren't enough to
make my decision. I'm keeping an open mind based on a few things:
1. No decision is permanent. If you don't like moderating, you can
abstain and vice versa. Even if you commit to a day, week, month or
year, it's only a commitment to not consider it for that time. You
don't need to abstain 'forever', but can find a timeline for
reconsideration that is less stressful than a daily decision as you
find in moderation.
2. I've had to ask myself why I 'like' the idea of moderating. What
does that mean? I'm my head, I have an image of me dancing and
drinking, it's very fun and sounds good. Okay, now a more realistic
image of drunk me... not social, not fun. If I'm going to moderate, it
can't be code for "I want to get drunk" and it can't be code for "I
want to live a tv beer commercial life." It has to mean a commitment
to drinking moderately... maybe a few drinks a month, always with
friends, in a social context. Aside from whether that's possible, is
it even desirable? Knowing the risks, does that sound like any fun?
I'm waiting for my idea of moderate drinking to solidify into
something more realistic before making any commitment longer than a
month.
3. What scares me about abstaining? Really, it's that I lose my coping
mechanism of last resort. The thought of facing down life's crises
with no soft cushion scares me. Something terrible will eventually
happen and I won't be able to drink and I'll just... explode and die?
That's what it feels like. It's not rational, although yes, that will
be a big challenge for me, but facing my problems without alcohol is
part of moderation AND abstinence. Crisis drinking is not BTB. I need
to learn the skills to cope better with life, whatever my choice. I
can focus on building them and hope that they will endure. It will
either work or not, and no prior decision is going to hold in any
event, not without the skills to underpin them. Crises are scary and
will always be scary. Let's face it, if I really can't cope then I'll
break any and every rule I've made because I will always try to
survive - just like I always have. I don't need to wait for my fear of
crises to go away, because it never will, before I start nurturing the
skills I need to survive and thrive in whatever else life decides to
throw at me.
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