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Day 2 Post: If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you!

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    Day 2 Post: If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you!

    Wow! Wow! Wow! Rachel Hart had so many powerful things to say in today's post. For the first time since choosing indefinite abs, 8 years ago, I am a fully active member in Dryuary this year. I started exploring moderation about 5 months ago and what I have found is that, for me, drinking brings back fear, anxiety, self-doubt and a failure to keep promises to myself. While I haven't gone off the rails, I see my old behaviors were just waiting for me to come find them again. So, I am participating in Dryuary this year as the beginning of my path back to long-term abstinence. I have made the vow to return to abstinence more than once in these past 5 months but have found it hard to completely shut the door on drinking. When Friday afternoon roles around, I find myself saying, "Ok, let's give this moderation thing one more dedicated try." My hope is that, through Dryuary, I will once again establish a lasting devotion to abstinence for the future.

    So, this year, I'm no longer an old hand at the abstinence game, I'm just like all the rest of you, trying to find the place where I belong.

    Thank you for your words this morning, Rachel Hart. They spoke to my heart!

    "The real cost of not following through on your Dryuary commitment isn’t failure, it’s teaching yourself that your words don’t matter. Quitting in the face of discomfort sends the message that your commitments are optional when things start to get tough. Your words start to lose their power. When this happens it’s easy to feel like you can’t trust yourself, and that feeling is worse than any hangover."


    https://www.amazon.com/Neighbor-Hand.../dp/B01LWICGL6

    https://godwalkedintothisbar.blogspot.com

    #2
    Hi Kary May,

    Agreed. I really liked the Hart message. She brings up something I must have read/heard a dozen times in various recovery blogs and podcasts, and then I had that delicious feeling of "discovering" it myself a couple of years ago (I put "discovering" in quotation marks because people had been trying to communicate the idea to me for years...!): the one huge, huge gift of recovery work is listening to your inner voice. By following it, you are expressing to yourself that you yourself are your priority. For me, the impact of making that commitment and expressing my loyalty to and belief in myself, to myself, was utterly transformational. I can't believe how much power that gesture packs...probably because of the way I grew up. But in all events: solid and so life-affirming. Weirdly, I've had a number of years now of homing in and then veering *away* from that core truth (why do we do that? I'm getting a little better at cleaving to it, but somehow I do end up drifting off...). Each time I come back to it, I feel as if I've rediscovered the most amazing gift... anyhoo. Yes. Great post.

    I appreciate so much your sharing your concerns. I know just what you mean about wanting a tune up. I signed up for the free version of Annie Grace's The Alcohol Experiment this year to get some extra support myself. I don't know if you've ever looked at it or worked with it? I find the reminders about what alcohol does to our bodies to be pretty darn compelling ...particularly as the candles on the cake continue to multiply...ahem. I also really like listening to The Bubble Hour. I like the substance of Rachel Hart's podcast, but her very high-energy delivery can sort of wear me out (so I'm glad we got to read her today bcs the insight and her way of getting to it were brilliant). The Bubble Hour is a bit more laid back. The episodes vary a lot depending on who is on. The check-in interviews with Ellie, who used to host the show, are wonderfully powerful and thoughtful. I also really like an old interview with Megan Peters, who does Crazy Bananas. Are you listening to anything you'd want to clue us in on?

    Have a good one everyone--

    Comment


      #3
      Really enjoyed the day 2 post!

      I love this emphasis on the obstacles and reframing them. “They are not the problem; they’re the path.”
      It’s really helpful to anticipate the hard parts of this or any challenge. I’m going to focus on this today: Plan for discomfort. Expect it. Have a plan for how to deal with it.

      “This is the bind that most people find themselves in. They want to change, but they haven’t planned for discomfort and the reason they thought was compelling doesn’t hold up under pressure.”

      Comment


        #4
        kary may Welcome back fully-fledged to Dryuary!

        Comment


          #5
          7:44 pm and holding strong despite a pounding headache. Went to yoga, walked two miles, meditated, ate clean, but my solitary lifestyle and always waiting for my husband to come home from work are major temptations to drink. Tried watching TV, to no avail, so am curled up in bed with kitty. Hubby (who rarely drinks to excess, and then only on special occasions with friends visiting from out of town, etc.) won't be home until 8:30 or beyond. He'll want me to have his dinner waiting, as it has been for 27+ years. I know I'm supposed to look at "my part," and I am, but I needed to vent and so came here. Thanks everyone for support. I feel terrifically vulnerable.

          Comment


            #6
            SukhKaram good luck, you can do this! I read on another blog about the adult coloring app to get through some of those urges. I used it to get through one the other day while having a spat with my hubs. It worked. Never in a million years would I think I'd be doing something like that. It's just another tool in the toolbox. I understand waiting for the hubs to eat, too. Not that I did it a lot, but I retired before my hubs, so I was chomping at the bit, literally, waiting for him come home. And sometimes I didn't. It was ok. I sat with him while he ate. (And probably drank wine, sigh...intake did escalate at that point in time....but now I'm here. Much better place. It's awesome that you're aware! Baby steps.

            Comment


              #7
              Snowbird could you share a link to the app?
              https://www.amazon.com/Neighbor-Hand.../dp/B01LWICGL6

              https://godwalkedintothisbar.blogspot.com

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                #8
                kary may Sure! There are lots of apps for adult coloring, I have this one on my phone. Happy Color https://g.co/kgs/xVWFKt

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                  #9
                  SukhKaram That sounds hard. Waiting for your husband to be home for dinner that late makes your day really long. That last part of the day must be hard. I feel for you!

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                    #10
                    Knitting is a great pas time. There are sorts of beginning kits and patterns out there. Also, you can’t do it while drinking!!!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Kary May, Just read your Day 2 post and wanted to say that you have been an inspiration to me over the years when I've dropped in on the forum, and especially now as you share your experience with dipping back into moderation. Thank you for being so honest. I've never accomplished what you have, but I can imagine getting to the point you are at. I was reading a blog this morning, by a guy who stopped drinking altogether. He said "The pull of alcohol was strong. A little was hard. none was easier."

                      Right now I'm definitely in 1 day at a time mode. But I am finally able to at least contemplate that life would be more rewarding if I shut the door completely.

                      Comment

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