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Day 30: Time to take stock

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  • Day 30: Time to take stock

    Have you noticed any change? Mentally? Spiritually? Physically? How about the feeling that you did something you never thought you could do? When was the last time you felt likethat? If you didn't make it through January, there are 11 more months in which to try again this year. The first year I joined Moderation Managment, I tried at least six 30 day abstinent stents and never completed one. But you know what? I'm glad I didn't complete that first one, or that second, or even the third, even though I was getting pretty damn disheartened. But because I kept failing, at the end of my first year with MM, I tallied up my all my abs days, moderate days, and drunk days and found that I hadn't drank at all for over 60% of the year. All because I kept trying to get "a 30" completed. Most of the other 40% of the year, I was drunk. My moderate days were in the single digits. I had the answer to where my future should be spent. Just because you haven't met your goals, doesn't mean you're not getting to where you need to be!

  • #2
    I've noticed a great deal and the biggest thing I've noticed is that my mood has been more stable and I have been more happy than I've been in a very long time. I've made it 30 days so far, and to be honest, I haven't really "tested" myself all that much. I've been a hermit this month. I have had very few actual temptations put in front of me (no real occasions where people are drinking in front of me - and a husband who never drinks). The first few days of not drinking I was very vulnerable. I kept having vivid dreams of my father dying and feelings of dread when I would wake. I've been more attuned to how important people are in my life and more scared about things that might happen to them. I think that is my natural anxiety not covered up with booze. Today and yesterday have actually been the toughest days for me. Not because I want a drink, but become I'm very down - it is hormonal. I know that if I were not doing Dryuary, I would be typing this with a large glass of vodka next to me. Dryuary has given me the ability to see how severe my PMS is. I've been so happy this month and so down yesterday and today. I think this is good to be able to recognize. And at least now I can say to myself, it will get better. Before I would be hung over all day, irritable and tired, and then in the evening I would be drinking enormous amounts of vodka. I really wanted to be able to "take stock" at the end of the month with a very upbeat - I feel fantastic post. Unfortunately these hormones are just killing me. And so I can rationally say, I'm good, I've felt good not drinking, I've started exercising, I've realized what is important (and I have realized who I am), and I realize I need to be very very careful when I start to drink again.


    • #3
      Very awesome observations JennLynn. I really relate to the covering up anxiety comment.

      I'm just now feeling better and doing better with my sleeping issues. I realized this morning that I must have been more physically addicted to the alcohol than I thought. I always assumed my drinking was all about habit and coping with emotions. It was scary to realize this morning that my body had grown so used to the alcohol that it sent a number of other systems into a spiral, with unexpected results.