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Day 14 mail - Secret Destinations

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  • Day 14 mail - Secret Destinations

    Today's email struck a chord with me.

    Secret destinations are not pitfalls in the road, they are the deeper meanings we uncovered by setting out on this course. It may seem like a setback, but it’s really the whole point of our journey. Our destination rises up to meet us, and we find ourselves transported back home where nothing is the same, or recognizing familiar sights in the strangest of places.
    http://dryuary.org/wp/day-14/

    At this point I find myself somewhat less focused on the mechanics of not drinking and shifting to what remains when I'm not drinking. On Friday I found myself downloading a book from the library titled "Communication Miracles for Couples." I was scanning the library's book list for mysteries and science fiction, my go-to escape choices, when this this title grabbed my attention. So I downloaded it, not expecting a lot, and started reading it on the train to work. It felt like someone had stepped up to me wagging their finger and said "Julie, it's time to work on the cracks in your marriage."

    I'm slowly working my way through the book, and starting to use the ideas and tools in it. I'm pretty sure this would not have happened if I was still numbing myself nightly with a couple of drinks.

    I definitely found a "secret destination." Has anyone else?

  • #2
    I'm not sure this counts as a "secret destination," but I've discovered something about myself. While getting a candlestick down from a shelf for my daughter who needed to draw it for an art project, I knocked down a martini glass and it smashed to pieces on the floor. I haven't had a drink since the start of January (after nightly drinking for years and years), and instead of being irritable, I just started to clean it (with no anger or feelings of upset -in fact I wasn't bothered at all). I just told my daughter to keep the dogs out of the dining room while I picked up the pieces. My daughter reflexively started apologizing and trying to calm me down. She was really afraid of what my mood was going to be. When she saw I wasn't upset at all, she was genuinely surprised. I asked her if I usually seem upset in these situations, and she said yes. Very. So my "secret destination" is realizing that I am irritable and easily angered during the day - when I drink regularly in the evenings. I must be "on edge." I've noticed that since I've stopped drinking, I am much happier during the day and I actually like my life (something I didn't feel very recently). My husband has noticed too. I could never had done this without Dryuary, despite trying for so long.

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    • #3
      Thank you for sharing that, JennLynn. I think anything that arises to our sight, that we would not have realized before we made this effort, counts as a "secret destination." I love that term, because it's not about beating ourselves up for how we've been, but about focusing on the positive changes we are making now, and how they are taking us to good places we did not even know were on the map.

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      • #4
        JennLynn I know this was written last month, but I started my 30 mid January so have just started to follow the Dryuary posts to help me through the stages. I saw myself in your post about being irritable and short-tempered when small things happen. I could totally see one of my kids getting anxious or apologetic when something like this happens. I had no patience during the day because I always felt do damn headache-y and tired and short-tempered. i am trying to practice being more aware, not only of what's around me but of myself and how I act.

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        • #5
          HopeL thank you for commenting on a post from Dryuary...I had read each one as they arrived AND now realize it would be so valuable to go back through them as I have committed to Freedom February...at the end of Dryuary I noted that I wanted to continue going to secret destinations...and another month abstaining would be the way...

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