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Day 9 - Expectations

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  • Day 9 - Expectations

    i woke up today groggy and headachy. It's 10am and I still haven't got my @ss in gear. It's not fair! I'm not drinking, so I'm supposed to wake up every day bright, cheery, and ready to take on the world, right? I thought I would exercise every day, and instead have only exercised twice this month (still, twice as much as before!). Rationally I know I'm probably getting a cold, or it's a mild migraine response to the change in the weather. But I still feel robbed! Anyone else have over-inflated expectations of what temporary sobriety should accomplish?

  • #2
    You're quite right UpstateMom, it's NOT fair but it does happen. Did you catch this post a couple of days ago and the reply below where I referred to my Dryuary 2017 post on a similar topic? See http://www.moderation.org/dryuary/dr...e%20May%20Vary. I hope it helps.
    My limit: Women's BTB. Solidarity, sisters!
    My plan: No unplanned second or third drinks.

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    • #3
      UpstateMom - sorry about the lousy, draggy feeling. Shoot.... but...we are still human beings with the regular human moods. i can't remember where I read an exchange in which one person was reporting the same disappointment you are writing about here, and her friend responded, "Maybe you just don't feel great this a.m." --The idea was that alcohol can mask moods and cause problems, but stopping drinking doesn't magically fix the regular stuff of life as a human being, alas. What that insight does help us do is listen to ourselves and take better care of ourselves. Groggy? How about a brisk walk for 45 mins and then if you still feel logey, treat yourself to a nap or a half hour read of a fun novel? Even at work, there are ways to sneak in some me time. And do right by yourself with food and treats. Last year was my first Dryuary and I set a rule: One thing at a time! Right now, we are addressing our drinking. So anything else is A-ok (in my case, Netflix, saunas and ice cream...at different times of course ).

      You're onto something so good. Bear with yourself (I can get a little grumpy...ring a bell?) and YES read Nils and also that delightful post from yesterday on the Card Shark. You got this! (and I hope you feel better)

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      • #4
        https://smile.amazon.com/Wherever-Yo.../dp/1401307787



        "We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjure up to avoid the unavoidable."

        "The mind states of liking and disliking can take up permanent residency in us, unconsciously feeding addictive behaviors in all domains of life. When we are able to recognize and name the seeds of greediness or craving, however subtle, in the mind's constant wanting and pursuing of the things or results that we like, and the seeds of aversion or hatred in our rejecting or maneuvering to avoid the things we don't like, that stops us for a moment and reminds us that such forces really are at work in our own minds to one extent or another almost all the time. It's no exaggeration to say that they have a chronic, viral-like toxicity that prevents us from seeing things as they actually are and mobilizing our true potential.Guess what? When it comes right down to it, wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you wind up doing, that's what you've wound up doing. Whatever you are thinking right now, that's whats on your mind. Whatever has happened to you, it has already happened. The important question is, how are you going to handle it? In other words, "Now what?"
        I'm interested in meeting F2F and discussing Moderation - tag me if you are in Albuquerque. .

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        • #5
          Good morning! UpstateMom, I can totally relate as I have been going through some of the same. Generally when I have abstained from alcohol in the past, I have slept like a baby. Not so this time. I find myself waking up several times a night and my sleep is not deep. In the past I have had several days of a very euphoric mood and lots of energy. Not so this time. This past weekend, although I didn't really have a desire to drink, I found myself completely without energy and quite irritable. I truly don't know what the difference has been this time, but for the first time since Dryuary began, I slept well last night and find I am in a better place emotionally. Nils was kind enough to share my original post from Day 7 and to reply with his post from last Dryuary. It truly helped realizing that each AF experience may not be the same as what we have experienced in the past. It doesn't help that we may not be feeling as "wonderful" as we did or expect...hence the "It's Not Fair". I totally get it! But in thinking about it, as great as the couple of days of euphoria was, it didn't last. Life picked up where it left off and another adjustment was needed to keep on track. Hang in there, I believe you will see this phase pass. Taking a break from alcohol, no matter how difficult, is doing something good for ourselves. I heard an ad on the radio last evening that truly resonated with me. A man was saying...'I will give you whatever car you want, but you will have to keep this car for the rest of your life. You will only get one car.' He went on to say ... 'If this is the only car you will ever have, I'm sure you will take care of it and make sure that everything that is needed to keep it in running order will be done.' He then said...'You only have one body. You will only get one body for the rest of your life. Don't you think you should take the best care of it that you can?' The ad went on to advertise some type of DNA service (23 and me, or something like that). But the ad really made me stop and think...yikes...he's right! We only get one body and at the ripe old age of 64, I sure need to think about what I have done and continue to do...am I doing all that I can to take care of it? Sending positive thoughts your way!

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          • #6
            Hi UpstateMom! I know exactly what you're talking about. When I first began doing abs days, I slept even less than usual (lifelong insomnia over here). I was very tired and disoriented some days. One thing that helped me maintain motivation was the thought: "How much worse would this be with a hangover?" Whatever situation I applied that to - feeling crummy from being tired or sick or anxious about work, etc. - the answer was always, "so much worse." It might not take away the sense of being robbed, but I found it to be a helpful buffer against throwing in the towel and grabbing a bottle sometimes! I appreciate the title of this post, "Expectations," coupled with the line, "I'm not drinking, so I'm supposed to wake up every day bright, cheery, and ready to take on the world, right?" Haha! Wouldn't it be nice? I think some people do experience a big payoff in these areas, but it usually takes a while of not drinking (or not drinking much). And I think it's the same instant gratification urge that compels some of us to drink that expects the rewards of not drinking to be immediate, when that's just not how the body works generally. Thanks for sharing - you're definitely not alone, and thankfully, the crummy feelings are likely temporary.

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            • #7
              Hi all...2 am here and, well, you can see how I知 sleeping(or not) tonight. Some nights are better than others. I have to say most of the above resonates with me. I haven稚 so much had a difficult time with abs(I知 sure it will kick in), just a difficult time with me. I have horrendous cravings for food, and dealing with sadness, mild depression, much introspection, etc. I知 up for tackling and unpacking everything I need to. It just takes a minute. I知 so very thankful to be AF, my Dryuary began NYE. Getting together with friends from a previous job tonight at a cool craft beer eatery. I知 a little nervous. I知 good with not drinking in terms of what others think, or that they want me to...I don稚 care about that. My weakness is me! I don稚 trust myself. I知 intent, I hope, to stick with this path. The next trial will be my upcoming 4 day wkend. The last one, and the ones before that have pretty much been drink fests. I知 trying to make some plans, just low on energy.
              I read here and other sites and books daily, just quietly hunkered down.
              You guys are great!!
              Peace

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              • #8
                The consensus here seems to be not just that YMMV but that YMMV from year to year, which I guess makes a lot of sense. There are so many physical, mental and emotional factors feeding into our well-being that simply removing alcohol from the equation isn't always going to yield the same result. Some 30s are harder than others. Some 30s feel better than others. I found there was also a lot of variation during the course of a 30. Some days I did indeed feel euphoric, some days very down and I suppose I expected getting off the daily drinking roller-coaster to have helped with that but I might even go so far as to say it went the other way as when I'm sober I feel those ups and downs more acutely. On the other hand they respond slightly better to reason when I'm out of that anxiety cycle so I find them more manageable. After a couple of decades of numbing by heavy drinking I'm not surprised to be having a few emotional issues to sort out.
                My limit: Women's BTB. Solidarity, sisters!
                My plan: No unplanned second or third drinks.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for the support and links! It helps to know I'm not alone. And it's definitely true that an occasional groggy morning is a lot better than an occasional all-day hangover! And here I am the next day at 7am logging another abs day and ready to get up and go. One day at a time.

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