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  • #16
    Originally posted by Sunflowerfield View Post
    pauly6617
    Feel free to post or if you'd rather you can send a private message. I'm currently on lexapro. Been on and off it for years and years. Latest attempt to go off resulted in the worst panic attack of my life - but that was also after a night of heavy drinking plus morning drinking - so ....

    Hi Sunflower,not sure exactly what u meant about the @ thing, I am short on time, need to get some things done & had a long day & very tired, I will look into it more later but thanks for the info.

    In short the supplements are what are called nootropics & racetams, there is a lot to these two, or I should say many types & many combos which is called stacking.
    They are very safe & very inexpensive for the most part & in my opinion work much better than the pharmaceutical crap doctors cram up our butt you just need to find the right stack/combo or the one supplement that works, I can give you some of my experience later & answer any questions you may have. I been looking into & taking this stuff for like 2 years now & it does work. Doctors don't know or don't tell you about it because in short, "money", not enough money involved for their pockets so they fail to research the stuff and only small research gets done not enough to promote it and prove it works.
    One called Piracetam has been around since the 60's, it was the first nootropic & is very safe with virtually zero side effects as is with all other nootropics, there's a little to it, good stuff but I need to go, really I have to get stuff done & have to be up early & it was a long day.

    I posted a link below, take some time & read up on this stuff, you may be very surprise at what you read and how much this stuff is capable of.
    I did several years researching this stuff & now a few taking it & I know for me it works very well, not a cure all, not something that will cure our drinking but it sure does help with the negatives of drinking like anxiety.

    Phenibut is one I very much love, it is incredible & very non addictive, if you take too much you go to sleep, incredible sleep but very heavy & very long like 24-48 hours of grogginess.

    If and when u find the right dose as I have you will find it works unlike anything, it gives you clear focus, very positive out look and a over all feeling of well being, it's the closest thing to being buzzed yet your not buzzed just digging your existence, it's hard to explain better to experience it. The kicker is you can not take it all the time cause it builds a tolerence & becomes useless if you take it every day, so again non addictive, this is when you use other nootropics to take up the every day hustle & bustle, & use phenibut on occasion.

    Look into it Sunflower, it could help you tremendously, I know good places to buy it online that are very trusted & reliable vendors I've been buying from for at least 2 years.

    One you can go to a local vitamin store and get is L-Theanine, my first try with nootropics. I could never drink coffee the next morning after drinking, it would send my anxiety thru the roof, jones city big time. First time I mixed some L-theanine into a cup of coffee, oh my God, awesome, I could not believe I drank coffee after a heavy drinking night and felt totally good, no jitters, zero anxiety, if anything it went in a total opposite direction of anxiety, good stuff, still use it in my coffee.

    I have more on other things, like the NutriBullet RX, pounds tons of nutrition into your body and tastes insane good, one thing about us drinkers is nutrition, most of us lack it big time and this is a way to pound it into is & it seriously works, you notice a major difference mentally big time along with physically.

    So their you go, more than I intended to write, I just never want anyone to be stuck in the hell I was stuck in and I will give what I can to help others at least get a little relief.
    Im still working on the drinking but it's better still too much but all I just shared is certainly better just still drink too much & I know it is wearing on my body that is why I am glad I found this site, it is a God send for sure.

    I hope that helped, let me know and any questions feel free to ask.
    Good night.............
    Paul


    https://www.google.com/search?q=noot...w=1280&bih=590

    Comment


    • #17
      pauly6617 Thanks for the info. I'll look into the site. I just started seeing a naturopath and she mentioned L theonine and also ashagwanda and lithium orotate as supplements for anxiety. I'm actually a "health coach" - ironies of all ironies. I am schooled on nutrition and can teach and preach that well. You know ... the "doctor heal thyself thing ... easier said than done. I have many books on anti anxiety foods. Now that I've been absing I'm back to healthy eating with green smoothies daily (I have a vitamix) and the difference is huge. The alcohol is just an easier fix short term. Today is day 45 of no alcohol for me. It is crossing my mind of why the hell would I go back to drinking if I feel this good - no anxiety. And no matter how much I would like to believe it - I am not good at moderation - of anything. This is the best I've felt in a very very long time. I am also seeing a therapist for childhood shit, go to a local harm reduction group and read everything I can on alcohol and just started the book Changing For Good. And I'm back to running and strength training. Right now I am in a really good place and I don't want to leave this place 😊 With the warmer sunnier days I have to be super mindful - major triggers - drinking in the sun! Thanks for the tips. I definitely am more of a natural, holistic believer than the alternative.

      Enough about me ... hope you are doing well. And don't ever worry about responding to anyone and everyone on this site. Do what is best for you... always. You will find people kind of come and go in regards to activity.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Sunflowerfield View Post
        pauly6617 Thanks for the info. I'll look into the site. I just started seeing a naturopath and she mentioned L theonine and also ashagwanda and lithium orotate as supplements for anxiety. I'm actually a "health coach" - ironies of all ironies. I am schooled on nutrition and can teach and preach that well. You know ... the "doctor heal thyself thing ... easier said than done. I have many books on anti anxiety foods. Now that I've been absing I'm back to healthy eating with green smoothies daily (I have a vitamix) and the difference is huge. The alcohol is just an easier fix short term. Today is day 45 of no alcohol for me. It is crossing my mind of why the hell would I go back to drinking if I feel this good - no anxiety. And no matter how much I would like to believe it - I am not good at moderation - of anything. This is the best I've felt in a very very long time. I am also seeing a therapist for childhood shit, go to a local harm reduction group and read everything I can on alcohol and just started the book Changing For Good. And I'm back to running and strength training. Right now I am in a really good place and I don't want to leave this place 😊 With the warmer sunnier days I have to be super mindful - major triggers - drinking in the sun! Thanks for the tips. I definitely am more of a natural, holistic believer than the alternative.

        Enough about me ... hope you are doing well. And don't ever worry about responding to anyone and everyone on this site. Do what is best for you... always. You will find people kind of come and go in regards to activity.


        Hi Sunflower, great message, thanks for that!

        Yes ask your naturopath doctor about Nootropics & Racetams, I would hope they'd know of them, well them suggesting Theanine is a good indication they do, theanine is considered a nootropic, it works very well with caffine like coffee or even green tea, green tea I believe has theanine in it.

        That's funny yer a health coach, I laughed hard when I read that. So that is a good thing and very cool you have the vitamix, I heard it works very good, I know my Bullet RX kicks butt, kind of been lack using it last week or so and I noticed it, I still drink my protein, green powder, & other health stuff with aloe juice & water pretty much every day so that helps & try to take B-vitamins with fish oil & other stuff, now I just need to cut even more back on drinking & hopefully start getting to my gym I pay for & never go, lol.

        That's good you have 45 days, awesome I hope I will be right behind you soon, I was surprised since I've been using the MM sheet to monitor my drinking how much my drinking has decreased the last week or so, I know I was drinking way more, whiskey & beer or whiskey & ice tea & quite a bit yet that even was not as much as I use to not to long ago, I was going through 1/2 a 1.75 liter bottle of whiskey a night, not every night but quite often. Recently I been going through the 1.75 liter bottle a week so even that is improvement and now drinking 4 to 5 glasses of wine a night is actually a big improvement specially if I stay on this direction & I seem to have hope I will and this site very much encourages that hope in me. I would like to do the abs for a period, 30 would be good just to clear my head completely & see what happens, I'll likely say OK now time for a drink, lol.

        The alternative is pushed by greed, by insurance companies not by people who care, it's very true and they push meds that don't do nothing & they know it but they need to pay the bill for the useless research so they push the crap that does nothing except 500 different side effects that can kill you, read the warning labels on them it's unreal.
        Nootropics are safe with zero to very little side effects, that is how they where intended to be and if they are harmful with harmful side effects they can not be considered nootropics impossible.

        I like to respond to everyone I can because I love the attention, love to chat & I love being around like minded people who are going through similar things & who have the courage to talk about it & to be honest about themselves & what they are doing it makes me want to open up & say what I am doing so we can all know & realize we are not alone.
        And as importantly we have suggestions, solutions & ideas of things that work & most important is the support & no judgement crap to what one does!
        We all have our own way, our own path & we have the same goal, improvement, however little, in whatever area just improvement something we can begin to build off of & get to a better place than where we are or where we've been.


        Well Sun I better go, nice to hear from you, hope you have a nice evening or what ever time it is where ever you may be, I am in CA so it's 6:15 PM (PST) and hot, very nice out though.

        Take care,
        Paul........................

        Comment


        • #19
          pauly6617 - Yes to the fish oils and b vitamins! I'm an all in or all out type of person. When I'm drinking heavily all the health shit goes out the window! When I'm not drinking I'm all over it. And yes, I laugh too about the irony of my health coaching to other people!
          Applaud yourself for already cutting back. Progress is progress!! And that's great that tracking is helping. Keep at it! Glad you are here! You have found a tribe ... as have I.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by Sunflowerfield View Post
            pauly6617 - Yes to the fish oils and b vitamins! I'm an all in or all out type of person. When I'm drinking heavily all the health shit goes out the window! When I'm not drinking I'm all over it. And yes, I laugh too about the irony of my health coaching to other people!
            Applaud yourself for already cutting back. Progress is progress!! And that's great that tracking is helping. Keep at it! Glad you are here! You have found a tribe ... as have I.

            I hope I found a tribe of my own, seems like it..

            Yep drinking sucks health out of you & double cheese burgers certainly sound better than a piece of salmon with a salad.
            After doing the bullet for a few weeks I noticed I was eating way better, fish, salads etc. and because I wanted to not for any other reason, still love double cheese burgers & always will but they're not all I eat any more just occasionally.

            Yea a friend of mine knew a couple who ran a very high end recovery house, very expensive in a very nice area & for a period of time while running this place they where smoking crack cocaine and many people in there had cocaine addictions so don't feel so bad, once again yer not alone.

            Yes the tracking seems to help.
            If I drink hard drinks I plan to measure each ounce of whiskey, if it's an ugly night I'm in trouble as far as measuring goes, I just hope I will not have too many more of them to hopefully no more. I have a 1.75 bottle of whiskey in my cabinet & have not touched it since I believe Saturday.

            Have a wonderful evening!

            Are you EST?
            I am PST, it's 5:25PM right now.

            Your responses show like 4AM just wondering where, what side of the country.

            Take care,
            Paul........................

            Comment


            • #21
              pauly6617 East Coast - EST. no idea why it would have posted that time. Have a great day!

              Comment


              • #22
                Yea I am not sure other than it shows your time as my time, in other words your last message you sent says 3:09 AM which would be 6:09 AM your time if the 3:09 is showing my time which is likely what it is. If you posted that last message at 6:09 AM then that is exactly what it is, your 6:09 AM is showing up to me as 3:09 AM because that would be what time it is here being the 3 hour time difference, you all are in the future and we are in the past lol...

                Hope all is well..
                Take care,
                Paul.....

                Comment


                • #23
                  Well did we all run out of gas or out of booze to keep the conversation going??

                  Requirements in this post is not to be sober but to talk about where we are at and why we are here & either what we are doing to improve our situation or what we want to do?

                  I am taking very small steps in a direction unknown & I am sure others are as well and then there is others trying to but feel they can't and it is possibly what is imprinted into their mind as was imprinted into my mind, that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, that we can never fully recover only keep it at bay & maintain sobriety as long as we don't drink.

                  Well I am not sure if these things are true & I also am as sure the person or persons who came up with this can say it is scientific facts, if it is I would like to see these facts & also show proof I fall under these facts.

                  Bill & Bob did a fantastic thing, two very good Men, very awesome what they did and we would never leave out Ebby Bills friend where AA really began, the Oxford group.

                  However these Men did make it very clear they do not hold the monopoly on recovery and do not say we have the only way, we just have a way that works that is it and if AA does not work for you then seek alternatives and back then there was not much alternatives. I believe Bill W. tried LSD in he 60's believing it to be a possible cure, surprised he didn't drink.

                  So here we are like 87 years later, do you not think we have not came up with anything being the problems that our society exposes relating to not only alcohol problems but drugs, I say yes we have and people are continually researching this more & more as I have done in which I came upon this site along with many others.

                  Other sites I speak of would include supplements, how to get more nutrition into our body with out the hassle of eating crap I don't want to or can't and that double cheese burger sounds much better, in my case nothing sound good I just didn't eat until the next evening when I could warm my belly with booze then eat, still kind of do this but it's much better from things I have done, I get much more nutrition in my body yet still drink quite a bit, less than recent past but still like every night & too much, I get to work, do my responsibilities but not much else & I am tired of it & I know my drinking is part to blame keeping me tied into this, not that it is real bad but I hate being alone, it sucks talking to yer damn self specially when you answer yerself, lol, kidding!

                  I am on board with this MM but I truly hope to meet others I can stick with and we can be supportive friends, not concerned with gender being I am not here for a damn date and to be clear I don't date Men, never won't happen but I have no problem with who you are, gay straight I don't care, just know I will speak my mind so if you are the sensitive type I'd think twice, I am real, very compassionate but very straight forward.

                  May sound shrewd but how the hell can you solve anything with lies and fact-less crap, it can't happen, lies send you into a circle, a circle of fighting and defending lies there's never a destination just circles, circles of lies, like a dog chasing his tail.

                  Anyway I hope I hear back from you like minded people, we are in this together lets chat about it together, know each other, comfort each other and what ever else, hope to hear from someone for God Sakes, I hope I am not the only one!

                  Take care and good evening of good morning what ever fits!

                  Paul..............

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    pauly6617 - you might want to go to the "April Powers" forum. There are many on there that are posting and you can post and more will see your posts and respond. I find sometimes there are too many sub forums and messages get lost in all the different forums. I admire your straightforwardness. I'm sure you've read "The Four Agreements"? One is "be empeccable with your word". I may be fooling myself but right now I don't want to drink. I do want abstinence. I have tried moderating so many times in my life. I can't make it work and honestly I don't want to make it work right now abstinence is just easier than the planning and then the spiral and then feeling like a failure. Everyone of us are on the same ... and different paths. Don't get me wrong - I respect and applaud the people on here that are moderating and I see many that are doing it well. the main thing MM has taught me is what works for one person may or may not work for another - which is exactly the opposite of what you say you learned at AA. Stay here at MM and post in other forums! I am still here because I learn so much. I'm also on LivingSober site which is about being sober - although there are moderators on there as well. I have a very heaving drinking husband (and friends) so this is not an easy thing for me - choosing a different lifestyle. I live with alcohol around me all the time. I'm keeping an open mind but right now the way I feel physically and emotionally is the best I've felt since I was pregnant - 23 years ago. And I wasn't drinking then. Thinking about you!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      "April Powers" I will surely check out this forum, have not heard of it I will check it for sure when I get a chance.

                      Thank you I appreciate the admiration.
                      This is just who I am and I try to stay that way, not perfect but I have always try to be honest & up front as I would hope others to be with me and I don't care if it pisses me off, if it's true then I likely need to hear it or I will explain to you why I don't and if you have a problem with my up front attitude then OK I'll play your politically correct crap & avoid what I say around you & you will lose out on possible good info that could help.

                      Life lessons can come from any where it is up to the one the lesson is being given to to see this.

                      You are not fooling yourself, don't go there, you seem to be a strong person & a great example of what can be achieved and your husband is seeing this & hopefully you will make a difference just don't let it drag you down.

                      Always no what to do even if it is not what you want to do, do it anyway as long as you know it is the right thing to do despite what you feel, feelings are feelings action is another story.
                      Knowing what to do our feelings can block us from doing them, it happens to me quite frequently & that is one of my struggles with not drinking, when I drink I can do a lot of crap I don't want to do like pay bills, make lunch for work the next day, clean my condo, fix crap, dealing with loneliness, not having a nice girl at my side & me at hers, pretty much everything life throws our way and is it real?
                      For the most part, likely not.
                      So talk about fooling ones self this right here is a prime example of me fooling myself to believe the only way I can do these things is drinking, or the best way is drinking, yea it helps in one way but not in so many others and I know this and I am trying to come to grips with this.

                      I've been doing the monitoring thing for I think over a week now, I printed several copies from MM web site & I will say it is very incredible to do this, I am fascinated by how much I drink, it is a wild thing to watch, you have to be able to be honest specially after sucking down drinks & being buzzed it can be difficult and for me not the honesty part it's keeping up with logging it after each drink but I think I have been pretty accurate in doing it, hopefully.

                      When I drink whiskey & beer my usual drink I have regularly I found I was drinking more than I realized, I also am drinking much less than in my recent past but this monitoring has helped me see these things.

                      Hey yea keep it up, enjoy that feeling of abs but as I said if you happen to stumble, don't quit because of some stupid night out on the town or what ever that is ridiculous and exactly why AA don't work for me, the guilt of I drank/relapsed, forget the fact I been sober 5 years it's all about you drank, you are a new comer & you have to stand up as one even though I have 5+ years in the damn program, not right, I say look at your abs, look at what you did, look at how much better you felt over all excluding a night of drinking you had, one out of 30, 60, 90, 12 to whatever months of not actually drinking, celebrate that not the damn small slip, I would not even call it a slip I'd call it a, I wanted to drink, so I did.

                      If you slip back into the everyday drinking then OK time to put on the hazards & deal with it and if one can't then maybe they do in fact need a rehab and hey that is fine.
                      I actually have been drinking white wine 99.9% of the time during this logging/monitoring of my drinking being easier to monitor, still not sure exactly what my wine glass measures out to yet but that is not prob, have everything logged just a little mathematics & I can know the exact amount.

                      "The Four Agreements" I have not read, have no idea what it is?

                      I did not proof read shit, tired & spent a long time here, need to go & I truly hope your husband comes around, do not give up on him, if he's a good guy do not give up on him, seriously if he is goop people hang in there good people sometimes need a little encouraging & most of all understanding & patience.

                      You seem to be good people & I would guess your husband is as well, he is just one of us, more me being you are not drinking & I am.

                      I think I said earlier I'd be good with chatting with him, if you think what I struggle with is similar to his, I look at it as another MM member but he'd I guess need to be on here as a member.

                      Whatever, just trying to help!

                      Hey very nice to hear from you, wish you very well with everything.
                      I hope to make this MM work, do not want to be back in a AA meeting except to promote MM & I will do that if it works as I believe it is.

                      Thanks Sunflower, nice to hear from you.



                      Comment


                      • #26
                        pauly6617 loved your post! So many good things in it! First the fact you are tracking is great. Ironically I started tracking before I found MM. just my own voice saying "you've got a problem ..." so I started writing my drinks down and after a few weeks it was like "whoa!" And that was before I knew what a "standard pour" was. 5 oz. of wine ... are you kidding? My wine glass holds at least 10 oz. so my 1 glass was really two. But hey it didn't matter. When it got to a bottle, (which I think is five glasses), a bottle and half or two Moscow mules and a bottle of wine, then it became real. I use to tell my husband that if I didn't get hangovers (he doesn't he says) I wouldn't worry about my drinking. So ... yay for hangovers I guess. Funny how intelligent people can talk themselves into or justify things.
                        I also really like your philosophy on the slip ups and I agree ... I don't even want to call them slip ups. You learn, you move on. When I see posts from lovely people on MM beating themselves up for drinking more than they planned It is sad because I know that only sets them up. A terrible cycle of "I'm shit so let's go on being shit." I'm done with the perfection!
                        Yeah ... my husband .... In his defense we've been drinking buddies for 30 years .... I'm the one that has changed the rules. My therapist (god I sound so screwed up!) told me that I may not being giving him the opportunity to step up. And as much as I hate to admit it she is right. I try to talk about my own drinking (I would never talk to him about his) and when he seems less than interested I immediately shut down and shut up. And get resentful. She says and I know I need to be very specific of why I'm telling him what I'm telling him and what I need for support. Blah, blah, blah! So much work - I just want him to get it! And now my 23 year old son! My son who lives across the country is coming home for Easter weekend. That would normally be a drinking fest of celebration. I am going to tell him about where I am. I won't address his own drinking although it scares me. He posted on his Facebook page the other day "day one of off season ... at a bar alone at 4:00 celebrating." His job is cyclical. Made me so sad. Mainly that he was alone. He use to be an athlete and celebrations would involve an intense mountain biking event. My husband says things like "but he's 23 that's what he should be doing" I say "yeah, but I thought that in my 20"s, then 30's, then 40's and now I'm in my fucking 50's".

                        Interesting how you find you are more productive when you drink ... ponder that. Is that because when you don't drink you find yourself down/depressed or simply just unmotivated? What about when you weren't drinking for long periods ... like your 5 years (wow!!) how did your daily life go? I just finished reading "The Naked Mind" - its about drinking - the first part is all about what it does to your body/brain but the second part is cool. It talks about how not drinking is a gift rather than a sacrifice. That is how I'd like to think.
                        The Four Agreements is by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's so simple and an easy manifesto of life. "Be impeccable with your word."; "Don't take anything personally."; "Don't make assumptions"; Always do your best." And the last one is about everyone's best is different but basically if you do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse and regret. (Sounds like my mornings vs. when I was drinking - every morning was filled with self judgment, abuse and regret).
                        Congrats on the cutting back and mainly drinking wine vs. whiskey. Keep tracking and making small goals for yourself! You'll get there!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          @Pauly6617 wrote: Well did we all run out of gas or out of booze to keep the conversation going??
                          Requirements in this post is not to be sober but to talk about where we are at and why we are here & either what we are doing to improve our situation or what we want to do?


                          Pauly, try posting in some of the other threads. Click on What's New at the top left & then click on one of the threads that interests you. Some people are not posting in this Dryuary thread because it's public and not private. Hope to see (read) you in another thread soon!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Bee Brown View Post

                            Pauly, try posting in some of the other threads. Click on What's New at the top left & then click on one of the threads that interests you. Some people are not posting in this Dryuary thread because it's public and not private. Hope to see (read) you in another thread soon!
                            Yep. That's why I don't post here on Dryuary thread now that Dryuary is done.

                            "Be present in this moment, for NOW is the only time."

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Sunflowerfield View Post
                              pauly6617 loved your post! So many good things in it! First the fact you are tracking is great. Ironically I started tracking before I found MM. just my own voice saying "you've got a problem ..." so I started writing my drinks down and after a few weeks it was like "whoa!" And that was before I knew what a "standard pour" was. 5 oz. of wine ... are you kidding? My wine glass holds at least 10 oz. so my 1 glass was really two. But hey it didn't matter. When it got to a bottle, (which I think is five glasses), a bottle and half or two Moscow mules and a bottle of wine, then it became real. I use to tell my husband that if I didn't get hangovers (he doesn't he says) I wouldn't worry about my drinking. So ... yay for hangovers I guess. Funny how intelligent people can talk themselves into or justify things.
                              I also really like your philosophy on the slip ups and I agree ... I don't even want to call them slip ups. You learn, you move on. When I see posts from lovely people on MM beating themselves up for drinking more than they planned It is sad because I know that only sets them up. A terrible cycle of "I'm shit so let's go on being shit." I'm done with the perfection!
                              Yeah ... my husband .... In his defense we've been drinking buddies for 30 years .... I'm the one that has changed the rules. My therapist (god I sound so screwed up!) told me that I may not being giving him the opportunity to step up. And as much as I hate to admit it she is right. I try to talk about my own drinking (I would never talk to him about his) and when he seems less than interested I immediately shut down and shut up. And get resentful. She says and I know I need to be very specific of why I'm telling him what I'm telling him and what I need for support. Blah, blah, blah! So much work - I just want him to get it! And now my 23 year old son! My son who lives across the country is coming home for Easter weekend. That would normally be a drinking fest of celebration. I am going to tell him about where I am. I won't address his own drinking although it scares me. He posted on his Facebook page the other day "day one of off season ... at a bar alone at 4:00 celebrating." His job is cyclical. Made me so sad. Mainly that he was alone. He use to be an athlete and celebrations would involve an intense mountain biking event. My husband says things like "but he's 23 that's what he should be doing" I say "yeah, but I thought that in my 20"s, then 30's, then 40's and now I'm in my fucking 50's".

                              Interesting how you find you are more productive when you drink ... ponder that. Is that because when you don't drink you find yourself down/depressed or simply just unmotivated? What about when you weren't drinking for long periods ... like your 5 years (wow!!) how did your daily life go? I just finished reading "The Naked Mind" - its about drinking - the first part is all about what it does to your body/brain but the second part is cool. It talks about how not drinking is a gift rather than a sacrifice. That is how I'd like to think.
                              The Four Agreements is by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's so simple and an easy manifesto of life. "Be impeccable with your word."; "Don't take anything personally."; "Don't make assumptions"; Always do your best." And the last one is about everyone's best is different but basically if you do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse and regret. (Sounds like my mornings vs. when I was drinking - every morning was filled with self judgment, abuse and regret).
                              Congrats on the cutting back and mainly drinking wine vs. whiskey. Keep tracking and making small goals for yourself! You'll get there!
                              Hi Sunflower, so sorry I took so long, I've been answering other posts & stalled on yours cause I wanted to touch on everything you said which I really won't likely do I just knew I better respond to you or (if you have not already) you will think I blew you off & trust me I didn't, you just said a lot & I wanted to respond to all of it but as I said I likely won't because of time, lot of hours at work & too much too do tonight & my damn feet hurt like hell.

                              So yea your wine glass holds 10oz, lol mine holds 14oz and I am drinking 4 to 6 a night. I am figuring it out on pretty much how much alcohol I consume no matter what I drink, Whiskey/ice tea drinks, whiskey with beer chaser or wine I find I pretty much consume about the same amount, well now I do while monitoring anyway.
                              I use to drink much more than even this.

                              So yes this monitoring is very useful and will be a very big tool if I am to go into moderation and for me moderation will not be under the standardized moderation it will be an improvement from where I am at if it is possible.

                              Otherwise I may need total abs, I think if I could pull myself to the 30 day thing It may be good but I have a lot of stress & other crap in life that really makes it hard & on top of that I am pretty much on my own, sad but true, went thru a lot last 5+ years & pushed people away so I could survive & I did but I think I am still in serious survive mode & drinking was part of my relief thru this, it hurt me in many ways but it helped relieve me in many others, double edged sword.

                              You don't sound screwed up at all, you sound real, you sound like you are trying & sometimes we can get ahead of ourselves and people who are drinking when we are not can and will take us totally wrong when we know we mean good, this is just the nature of the beast don't let it deter you. Kill him with kindness if possible, love him, focus on the good things about him & keep doing what you do that encourages you to be where you are at but be true to who you are & he will come around hopefully. Don't preach or try to explain what he needs to do like what you are doing, everyone's path is different and likely his will be much different than yours, he may not go total abs he may find a way to cut back a great deal as I am trying to do. You see some of us Men are seriously stubborn. Is he a Taurus?

                              Yea drinking to get shit done, I'll explain this then I really have to go, I could chat all night but unfortunately I have to work to pay bills. I make a promise if I ever win the lotto in a significant amount I will invest into MM and begin personal meetings like AA has that will spread like wild fire.

                              To start with I believe I actually get much more done when I am not drinking.
                              However being in this drink mode I am in I find it much more enjoyable to do do my home stuff drinking because for instances when I get home from work like tonight I am sore & tired & when I drink a few drinks pain is gone & the work begins.
                              Problem is I wake up the next day a little hung over & even more exhausted.
                              Sometimes I get it right but when I am up stairs on this computer doing this I don't get it done til late then it becomes a late night getting things done and drinking helps me MIS-manage my time quite a bit, not sure exactly how but I do manage better sober but it's just not as enjoyable it seems or its I am alone too much & don't have that extra nudge of dude don't need to drink we can do this.

                              I know I can do much with out drinking, I did it & I did a lot & I can do a lot sober or even drinking and usually the stuff I do drinking I do sober then drink, or drink while doing it and when to buzzed I stop.

                              I want to for sure cut back & if I cant I want to try sober again, I honestly do not want to do this drinking every night crap I'm doing, I just need to find people I can have around me, in my life.
                              I am looking into a church I may eventually go to and hopefully get involved in, don't get me wrong I am a fuck it, kiss my ass, god damn you motherfucker, fuck off kind of person and been that way pretty much all my life but I do have some pulling to church fer some reason so maybe I'll go and fuck it if they don't like me then fuck'em I'll go to a bar, lol.

                              Anyway that's all I got for now, way too burnt & have too much shit to do!

                              Take care & hope all is well........
                              Paul..............

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